“Just like the seasons, there are reasons for the path we take.
There are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned.”
There are no mistakes, just lessons to be learned.”
- Barbra
Streisand (Lessons to Be Learned)
Every day I post a “Song of the Day” on my Facebook Wall. I
started doing this over a year ago . . . and now, well, it’s become a
tradition. In fact, it almost seems as though my day is not complete
unless I post one or more songs. I even have friends who have stated
that they look forward to discovering the day’s post. But in
reality, it doesn’t matter whether the song I select meets with the approval of
those who choose to follow along. I simply post songs that reflect
my mood dujour.
Some days I feel light hearted and full of joy, others my mood is
more thoughtful and reflective. And sometimes, I feel lost and
alone. It doesn’t mean I don’t experience moments of happiness, but
sometimes the things I am feeling are downright bleak. Today is one
of those days.
The thing is, I have a dear friend who is getting married
tomorrow. I am so happy for her. She couldn’t have found
a better partner, and it does my heart good to see her with someone who treats
her as I believe she deserves. However, her happiness reminds me of
a void I sometimes experience.
After being married for nearly 20 years, and now divorced for
nearly 14 years, I wonder if I’ll ever find myself in a relationship
again. I do believe that the season I have spent as a single person
has been very important to my growth, and to my journey of
self-discovery. I have found that I can been strong and vulnerable
at the same time. I have had to dig deep and find a strength I
didn’t know I possessed, and I have somehow managed to maintain a sense of
humor through it all. Still, I get lonely.
I know that we pass through many seasons during one
lifetime. I have been a carefree child, an angsty teenager, a
blissfully happy newlywed, a protective mother, a broken divorcee, and a doting
grandma . . . and still, I get lonely. I don’t think I am looking
for someone to come and rescue me, but I do want someone to share the everyday
ups and downs with. Someone to hold, and someone to be held
by. Someone to talk with, laugh with, cry with, and yes, even fight
with.
I guess I’m feeling especially vulnerable right now. I
lost my job about 6 weeks ago, and I’m really starting to panic. Now,
at a time I believe I should be entering the season of retirement, I am faced
with having many years of employment ahead of me. After all, I have
no retirement, no savings, and in general, no preparation for relaxing and
taking it easy. I suppose a White Knight on a Charger would not be
rejected outright, but just having someone to lighten the load would be most
welcomed.
In reality, I do have that. I have family and a circle
of friends who I know would never let me wind up living on the street, or going
without food. But I also have a strong independent streak that hates
having to rely on the generosity of others. Perhaps it’s why I have
had to face this experience more than once. It’s easy to be the
benefactor, and it’s hard to be the receiver. So though there is a
time and a season for every purpose under Heaven, I feel lost and
confused. I keep revisiting life’s lessons, and wondering if I will
ever figure things out during my lifetime. I guess
there’s a season for that, too. It’s just that I thought I might
have finished with it by now. Apparently not.
So I ask myself what purpose there is in everything. I
don’t know if I will ever have the answer, but for now what I do know is that I
have a 100% survival rate for life’s “Seasons” and that I expect I will get
through this experience too. After all, though I don’t have a
partner at this time, I am surrounded by the one thing, in fact the only thing,
that really matters . . . and that is Love!
So can you guess what song prompted this? It's the Byrds and
"Turn, Turn, Turn" - http://youtu.be/W4ga_M5Zdn4
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